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Do You Vacuum Up Feelings? Embrace It!

True story. Jane was walking down the hallway when she came across an old friend. The two hugged and suddenly Jane felt completely drained. She couldn’t figure it out. The next day, the same friend called and asked how she was feeling. The friend explained that she had been feeling really bad but after they hugged she felt great. Mystery solved. Jane is what I term a vacuum aka highly sensitive. She sucked up her friend’s bad mood as her own. As if we don’t have enough issues!

For this post, I’m going to be bold and categorize people into two main categories, Deflectors and Vacuums.

I know, I know, we are all unique snowflakes. I agree!

But when it comes to picking up vibes, cues, moods, some of us tend to not notice “Huh, I didn’t see him/her shooting daggers from across the room. Really?!” As opposed to “OMG, did you feel the vibe in the room?! You could cut the tension with a knife!” I call the former a Deflector and the latter a Vacuum.

Here are a few key characteristics.

Deflector

• Is too busy rockin’ their talk to notice that the people in the audience are simply not paying attention or if they do notice, they can easily shift gears.
• Tends not to avoid conflict.
• Likes big spaces, crowds, loud music.
• May not be great at reading the mood in the room.

Vacuum

• Can get bummed just by walking by someone in a bad mood.
• Notices every grimace, yawn, side conversation and feels it’s a direct reflection of what they’re trying to say.
• Is bothered by loud noises, strong scents (even perfume), violent movies.
• Tends to avoid conflict.
• Even being too hungry can be very uncomfortable.

A Vacuum is like a lightening rod for vibes. We pick them up and we can make them our own. I believe this is a reason that many people experience stage fright.

Some people disguise their sensitivity by being confrontational. If you find yourself arguing a lot you may be using that as a way to compensate for feeling overwhelmed. Many “tough” guys are actually vacuums that are masking their sensitivity.

Obviously, these aren’t all the traits but this should give you an idea of which category you tend to lean towards. For example, I love crowds but get really unnerved by violence even harsh conversations. Neither person is better than the other, the world needs both!

Deflectors can be great group motivators and catalysts for change. However, they may not know when they’re pushing too much or can step over their more quiet (but just as valuable) teammates. Vacuums have amazing intuition and pick up on subtle signals. However, they can get easily overwhelmed.

Some will say this is the difference between introverts and extroverts. I don’t agree, I’m an extroverted (gain energy from people) vacuum.

So what to do when you find yourself picking up others angst, anger or depression?

• Embrace who you are! This isn’t about changing, it’s about embracing. If you tend to hang back, it’s understanding that stepping up can be draining, so give yourself recovery time without judgment. You don’t have to power through.
• It’s okay to interrupt | Most times people that tend to talk a lot aren’t being bullies, they may just not be aware. They have a hard time with silences and try to fill them. Therefore, it’s okay, to say “hang on, let me finish”. Doing that before getting angry will make a big difference in future communications.
• Be very picky about what you watch, listen to and read | Too much violence, bad news, nasty social media comments will wear you down. Be very discriminating.
• Start your day on a positive note | Give yourself some calm before the day begins. Even 15 minutes of journaling, mediation, EFT with some soothing music can help you start the day in a better frame of mind and help you tune into your intuition.
• Give Yourself a Break | Taking small breaks throughout the day to regroup, use EFT or clear your mind with a 3 minute meditation will help keep you focused and help you stay grounded.
• Ask Yourself “Is this really my problem” | Many times if you don’t know why you’re feeling bad or angry, take a minute to check in with yourself to see where it’s coming from. You may have stumbled into someone else’s mood without realizing it.

We ALL have gifts to share. Understanding your temperament can really help in navigating your environment.