This weekend we saw “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2”. If you saw the first one (or even if you didn’t) I’m sure you get the basic plot, this movie is all about family aka the tribe.
Tribe is tricky.
When we talk about doing something new, something out of the ordinary, we almost always ask/tell the tribe before we really know what we want.
The tribe will just mimic back to us every single dark thought and fear we have. Telling the tribe can be a dream killer. Socio-economic class doesn’t matter. You can be poor or rich, the tribe wants you to stick around. Do whatever you want, just don’t leave the tribe either physically or emotionally.
The lack of support is not purposeful (at least not typically), it’s usually not conscious but it can be lethal.
Cutting ties to the tribe without really deep diving into our own issues and resolving them or at least acknowledging them, doesn’t work well either. The ghost of the tribe will follow you. Every time you go try something new, something innovative, the voice of the tribe will be in your ear.
So how do you get around tribal limitations?
You have to first go outside the tribe for guidance.
Get clear on what you want and how you’re going to move in that direction and start doing it. That way when you tell the tribe what’s going on, you’re not asking for permission, you’re doing it.
It’s a drip drip drip to stay focused on your dreams. The vision of the new you. You have to find a new group that’s in-line with your vision. That’s why rehab starts with going away but people relapse when they go home because all the same dynamics are there.
A word of caution before you go looking for another tribe to support your dreams. Another tribe can be great, it can also be limiting. So always check with yourself first.
What do you want? What don’t you want? Get clear!
Years ago I decided I wanted to leave my corporate job of 15 years. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next but I knew I didn’t want to go to another organization and start over and I wanted to make more money. When the opportunity was presented to become a freelance consultant. I did not go to the tribe, I went to a career counselor. I told the tribe AFTER the decision was made (which included many friends). I had all the answers to my family’s questions (and there were a lot of questions). After I answered all of them, my dad said it sounded like the right thing to do.
There was nothing else for him to say.
Embrace the tribe, love the tribe, but make sure you’re checking in with YOURSELF first to see what you really want because, guess what, it’s always all about YOU!
Eva Lewandowski MBA, is a certified Life Coach, certified EFT Practitioner, seminar leader, speaker and co-host of a weekly internet radio show “Corporate Talk with Charlie and Eva”. She is also a 30 year veteran of Corporate America as an IT consultant. Using the skills she learned in acting classes, life coaching and EFT certification training as well as her struggle with debilitating stage fright, she created, Stand Up and Be Heard!, a program that teaches professionals how to overcome their fear of the spotlight. She is also the author of “Put on Your Phone Face: Tips and Techniques for teleconferences and conference calls”.